The Motherhood

When I entered "The Motherhood" I thought that it would be so wonderful to have a whole new group of people to understand what I have been going through as a struggling new mom trying to adjust to this new role and still be me. Well there definitely is that aspect of it but I never thought that there would be a whole new group of people to judge me.
Women in general always feel pressure to be perfect, fit in and look right. High school is probably when we begin to feel this pressure from society, our peers and sometimes our family. My family would steer clear whenever I was to get ready for any event because there would be a heap of clothes on the bed and usually a meltdown until finally we have to leave and I felt somewhat content with how I looked (and this was before the baby weight!) I know a lot of the pressure is brought on by my own self judgement. I want to be the perfect mother, spouse and women of the world but I was surprised to find out how much judgment there is in the mommy world and since it has to do with children some women feel it is their duty to tell you the mistakes they believe you are making and how their choices are much better.
As a first time mother I was bombarded with "friendly advice" that other mothers threw at me. Don't get me wrong - I think learning from others is absolutely necessary and can definitely help when ideas are dispensed in a responsible manner, (especially for new moms) but there are certain things that have changed with the times or are just choices I have made for me and my family and I don't want an opinion about them. Living in Astoria, NY we are surrounded but many people of all different ethnic backgrounds and walks of life. When taking a walk it is sometimes hard to not have people come up and comment and not everyone is saying "awww, how cute!". I've heard that I should give my child curry because it cures a cold and that the pacifier I gave him will give him buck teeth and he won't be able to speak (he speaks fine - thank you) and so many other gems of wonderful advice from immunizations to diapering etc... The dirty looks I've gotten from giving my kid crackers in order to keep him quiet when in line at the bank or when I change my sons poopie diaper on a park bench. I expect it from people who don't know what its like to have a screaming child but not from my fellow mommies who should know how hard it is. I'm then forced to ask myself - Am I doing something wrong? Am I a bad mother because of these choices? How can I be if I am doing what is best for me and my family?
It all started when I was pregnant and gained a lot of weight. People on the street asked me if I was having twins many times. One man even asked me if I was sure that I wasn't. (Come on buddy, really? - I am so big but I haven't been to the doctor yet to know what is growing inside of me???)  Comments just made me more upset and want to eat more chocolate cake. When I went to pre-natal yoga I met a friend who constantly made me feel like I was doing things wrong. She walked 5 miles a day and only ate organic everything while I indulged at Cold Stone and could barely waddle around the block. I befriended her because I thought she needed a friend and I needed one too but as soon as our sons were born I realized I couldn't stand the comments and disguised criticism. She was a brand new mom too, how could she know better than I do? I am pretty smart, read a lot of baby books, prepared and anticipated my child as much as she did. Since I have a young face, walking around with a newborn was like opening the gates to hell and the gremlins are clothed as nice old ladies. "Don't you think you should put a sweater on your baby?", or "He looks so thin, are you feeding him enough cereal?" Some suggestions I know are just helpful but I couldn't help but feel judged.
Believe me, I am not completely blameless in the circle of catty judgment in women. In the past I often used it as a defense mechanism, putting down another in order to make myself feel better. Towards the end of high school and throughout college I worked on changing. I realized that it didn't make me feel better, just guilty and every time I took part it made me an ugly person. It is hard to break bad habits and now that I am heavier than usual and uncomfortable I feel vulnerable again. I implore others to think before they speak and then put yourself in the other persons shoes and chose your words wisely. It isn't easy to do this and perhaps it comes with maturity and growth. I try my best to not judge my fellow mothers/women and love to receive and share suggestions and thoughts that may make the road ahead a little less bumpy. I have my group of lady friends that know what it feels like to be scrutinized and I would never want to add to that. It is hard enough to be a mother let alone trying to fit into somebody else's definition of "perfect". I denounce perfection and hope to strive to be the best ME! A good friend, a fun mommy, a supportive spouse and the dopest break dancer on the block (well that last one may be a dream). ; )